I hate being an Adult

Can I just run away to a time where I did not have to make hard decisions? Pretty please?

Athena was really restless last night and is starting to have a hard time breathing. At one point she was laying on my pillows trying to get as close to be as she could. Generally that means she is not feeling good. Although she is eating and seems to have energy she gets winded very easy and almost whines when you touch her tummy. She gets bloated very easy now after she eats. I swear I hate making a decision, but how long do you let a pet suffer? she will never show she is in pain and that is the hard part. She shows me discomfort by being more clingy then usual and that is about it. She has been very clingy to me more so then usual.


She has been doing decent up until now. I do have her on prednisone once a day. For the first week she was on it the medication did take down her lymphnodes to  normal size. However that lasted only a week before they started getting bigger again. Right now the steroids are basically keeping her eating. My mom commented last night about how tired she looks. :(


I'm sitting here feeling like a horrible mom for even thinking of putting her down. Does she have energy to run around the yard? Yes, but a short trip to the pet food store had her very winded.....Does she eat? It really depends on the day if she eats well or not. What concerns me the most is her breathing. She takes shallow breaths and sounds like she has bronchitis. That wheezing forceful sounding breaths. 


Do I regret not doing chemo? Heck no. She has lasted well past any doc told me she would! I was told 6 weeks without treatment. Here it is close to 23 weeks after i found the nodes swollen and she is still here. And really i only started the prednisone bout 4 weeks ago.

Stupid cancer...making me make a hard decision in life...